So tired.

Today, I am exhausted.  My weekends don't exist anymore. It's work, home, dinner, sleep, and all over again.

Troy and  I will be getting an apartment together soon.  I don't care how big it is, as long as we can have a place of our own....

It's been a long time coming, and it's going to happen.

Is that so much to ask?

If anyone is out there, let me know what places there are to rent.

Movie night?

I rented life as we know it. i hope to watch it tonight, or maybe tomorrow.

i have been feeling odd lately. not here or there, i just feel like im drifting from one job to the next with a little time in between to spend with troy and sarah. during that time, because i am so tired, sarah gets on my nerves. of course, after that i feel like a bad parent because in the little time i get with my child, im not appreciating the valuable time we have together.
i ask myself, am i a bad mother???? do i hurt my child? no. do i neglect my child? no. she gets so much love from me and her daddy that she is hardly neglected.  do i see my child enough? that is a definite no.  because i am working two jobs, i don't see my daughter as much as a mother should.

but does that make me a bad mother because i don't see her except at night and rarely on the weekends? she spends time with her daddy when he's not working and then she is either with her aunt and cousins or her grandparents.

to me, that seems like a pretty awesome life. and monday she starts a "preschool" setting of a daycare.  i am very excited for that, but also, one more thing im not doing with her is helping her learn everything.  someone else is doing it..
i feel like i should quit one of my jobs. and make time for sarah. ha. then we wouldnt have any money.. 

i guess i just need to go grab my bear, give her a big hug and kiss and i will feel better.....

but in the back of my mind, i'm wondering, "am i making the right choices for her right now by working two jobs? am i scarring her for life, or am i preparing her for something else? do i even know what that something else is?"

i hate doubt.

I love this song.

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
And I've learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?